Invisible Suspenders: Sometimes Elves Write Songs
by FeanorusRex
Summary: Fingon and Maedhros write a song. Utter Crack. No shipping. Also includes the song, written by Peregrin Took the Falcon!
1. Chapter 1

NO SLASH. This is my first try at Silm Crack.

Maedhros and Fingon were writing a song in praise of the former's flowing, red hair. This desicion had been influenced by the fact that they had both been drinking. If one was being poetical you would say, "They were drowning in the fruits of the vine." If not you would say something along on the lines of, "They were drunk as Angband."

This song was to have no words because as Fingon put it, "Verily, my friend there are no words neither in the tongue of the Valar or in ours that can accurately describe you hair's majesty." This speech was an indication of really how drunk he was because while sober he would have never admitted anything of the kind. Also they were too inebriated to think up words.

They really had no idea how to write music; however this fact was not a deterrent, "Everyone has to start somewhere!"

When they were finished Maedhros and Fingon wrote semi-legibly at the top: An Instrumental Composition Glorying the Tresses of Maedhros by the same and Fingon, Who Has Pretty Nice Hair for a One Fourth Vanya We Guess.

"Beautiful," said Maedhros and passed out.

"Spiffing," added Fingon and followed suit.

The next morning Maglor discovered the two, "Fingon?! Wow, Dad's going to be SO mad in he finds out," Maedhros threatened with the worst he could think of, "I'll tell Dad you like Teleri music better than our people's and he'll believe me, you know he will!"

Maglor, in order to avoid this, helped destroy the evidence: Fingon was pushed out the servants' entrance and the brothers hid the many empty bottles by throwing them into a bush under Maedhros' window.

And while they were looking around for other incriminating stuff Maglor found the 'Composition' "Hey, what's this? Is this supposed to be _music?"_ Maedhros tried to retrieve it but Maglor said: "This is my price for silence, brother!" and ran down the hall with it, past a very surprised Fëanor who had come up from his forge to see what all the noise was about.

But what did happen with that infamous piece of music? Well Maglor would play it outside Maedhros' window on dark nights and would sneak away just before someone else in the family would yell, "WHAT IS THAT RACKET?" Usually it was blamed on Ambarussa who had a track record for such things.

During the Flight of the Noldor the 'Composition' was finally retrieved by Maedhros. Right after all the oath taking and drama Fëanor was pretty keen to leave immediately because the Valar were pretty displeased and also when you start a rebellion it's best to storm out dramatically as soon as possible. This left no time for packing because no one had been expecting anything of the sort. The chaos allowed Maedhros to nab the sheet of music from Maglor's room.

This really wasn't that effective because Maglor had already memorized it and would hum it to Maedhros under his breath on the journey and Maedhros was unable to get back at him in anyway because Fëanor did not allow any fighting, "Not in MY rebellion, boys!"

The sheet traveled with him through out the journey to Middle-earth and the whole "I thought I would bargain with the very guy my Dad told me NEVER to deal with and then I got hung up on a cliff for a long time until my blond friend rescued me" drama. Maedhros though he should send Fingon some "Hey thanks for saving my life" presents and, as a joke, he included the music sheet. Fingon thought this was extremely funny and he played it for his whole court (he'd learned to play the harp.) They though it was atrocious, not getting the inside joke, but Fingon got a kick out of playing it and he'd perform it to annoy his couriers sometimes or when he was bored which was often; Middle-earth wasn't all Fëanor had made it out to be.

When he crashed the humans' camping trip he decide to see if they liked it. "Hey, they look savage; it's savage sounding music," he figured.

Well the men loved it. This was the first piece of elven music they'd had ever heard, played by a lovely...man? Woman? (They couldn't quite figure out which one, but the music was lovely either way.)

They liked it so much that they passed it right down through the second and third age and when Hobbits appeared from who-knows-where, the men played it for them as well, calling it "An Ancient Elven Tune From Antiquity."

It was a hit with the Halflings too, even if they didn't know what 'Antiquity' meant. So they called it "Elf Music." It was played at the 111th birthday party of Mr. Bilbo Baggins, by a special request made by an elf guest, Maglor, who had gotten pretty bored of singing about pain and despair on a beach and had taken to crashing parties instead. Forever is a LONG time, after all, even for an elf.

There Bilbo's cousin, Frodo, danced to it as if he was wearing invisible suspenders (who knows how mush _he'd_ been drinking) and afterwards the name was changed to 'The Invisible Suspenders Dance.'


	2. The Song!

**My new best friend, Peregrin Took the Falcon, wrote some words to the song, some words our heroes might have written if they'd skipped the last bottle.**

An Instrumental and Vocal Composition Glorying the Tresses of Maedhros by the Same and Fingon, Who Has Pretty Nice Hair for a One-Fourth-Vanya, We Guess

Red is his hair,

Like roses on snow,

The lovely bright red

Of an overripe, squishy, juicy, deliciously sweet tomato.

Maedhros says

That's a bad turn of phrase,

But I personally think

That we're both so Valar-blasted inebriated that it doesn't matter anyways.

And Maedhros says

That it's both of our poem,

But I say instead,

That I'm the one doing all the work anyway, even if it is Russandol's home.

But anyway, back to his

And the glare

When the sun shines upon it

Is so awfully bright that it hurts to look at it, and all the maidens fawn on it.

And now Maedhros says

That that wasn't quite elegant,

But at this point in the poem, and the wine,

Which by the way is delcious and the perfect thing while composing a great masterpiece such as this, anyway right now all his concerns are irrelevant.

And the resplendent glory Of his hair under the moon

Is more than enough

To make any maiden, even the ones who are chasing Cousin Finrod because he has golden hair like Grandmother and yet is still a Noldo, whom everyone knows are the best elf-kindred of all; as I was saying, to make any maiden swoon.

Maedhros is saying

That I'd better write faster

Because we've drunk so much wine now

That he says we're going to emulate those maidens I was talking about before we finish this composition, and that would be a disaster.

Maedhros's hair

Is so hard to compare

To anything else under Laurelin

Because really, there's nothing quite like it anywhere and Maedhros gets offended if you discuss it in a way he considers an imperfect description, and since his glorious russet tresses beggar description, you really just have to see them for yourself, because an analogy can never win.


End file.
